Communion

I didn’t know I wasn’t allowed up. I am sorry I did it. I know I was wrong. Will Jesus and God forgive me? Can I still have a good life?

It wasn’t that hard, really. And she knew she would eventually get caught, but what was she supposed to do? Was she to sit in that pew every time everyone got up to receive communion? Her shame and embarrassment on display for all the world to see. Stay back and admit that she was the only 8th grader at a Catholic school that still hadn’t received her first holy communion?

To hell with that!

Come on, look at those second graders. She certainly knew more about religion, the church, and how to behave while receiving the body of Christ. God could forgive her, right?

It wasn’t her fault that her parent’s divorce caused them to lose focus of her sacrament of Communion. It wasn’t her fault that now she had to switch schools for the 6th time. It wasn’t her fault that the only decent schools in her new neighborhood were Catholic schools. It wasn’t her fault that she didn’t realize she would now have to take care of things herself. 

But yes, she knew this would eventually be an issue. 

Going to Catholic school and not being communionzed? Sin. Her parents are divorced? Sin. Living with her single father? Sin.

One of these things is not like the others. And it was her. A leper.

But she would give it her best shot. She would study. She would learn. And she would take Communion without having her First Holy Communion..

So, the first time her new class went up to receive the sacrament, she stayed back. Oh, no, not today. I just don’t feel like it. But she watched. Watched very carefully. 

OK, number one: stand in line. Look very solemn. Clasp your hands, maybe intertwine your fingers. Look at the ground, look at the person’s hair in front of you, but look like you’re coming before the Lord. This is very serious.

Number two: when you get to the front of the line mouth something. Shit! What is it that they are saying? Is that what they teach you when you officially become initiated? Do they teach you the magic words? I’ll have to fake that part.

Number three: raise your hands up to the man. No longer intertwine, but this time cup your hands. Yes, just like that. See, it’s not hard. 

Number four: receive your bread. He will put it in your hand. But if you really want to get sexy just open your mouth and have them place it on your tongue, in your mouth. Wow. Not for me. Are they chewing? I wonder what it tastes like? No, you can’t chew the body of Christ. I’m thinking about this too much; it’s making me sick. I can’t do it, but I have to do it.

Number five: allow the man to say something, blah blah blah. He’s gonna know.

Number six:walk away, but as you do make the sign of the cross. It’s like a promise. Seal the deal. You’ve done it. 

But there is an extra credit step. Do a curtesy in front of the altar or before you enter your pew with another sign of the cross. 

And you must pray when you get back to your seat. No standing; you must kneel.

And if you follow these steps, no one will ever know you are a faker, a sinner. Except you, you will know.

Lying to God in the House of God. Lying to his face. What kind of life can you hope to have now?

You must not confess this one. You will eventually get caught. 

Forgive me for what I have done and what I have failed to. 

Do you really take away the sins of the world?

Have mercy on me.